Twenty-four hours ago began the concert of the Band Of Horses.
I went with my friend R, as I had dreamed a year and a month ago. Because I bought the tickets yet this summer, in August. I bought two. I bought two because a part of me still hoped that maybe you and me we'd be together today. You did the hard. But in a lot of months could still happen.
But nothing happened. And time has passed. Like this nonsense.
I know. Boh i am not sure your music genre. Bore you. They make you sleep. And I thought while listening to the concert I would have hugged you and you would have had a rest in the foot like a horse, close to me. E I thought I would burst with happiness. And I should have, in return, maybe ten concerts take you where you'd pogato. Like the time, this concert by the sea. What did you go to mosh a minute, you've vented, pushing between the boys and then you're stuck bouncing back to me, wagging his tail. It was what you called "the most beautiful night of your life." The most beautiful for me, fuck. Passed to dance with you. A kiss. A hold. To smell.
But yesterday to hear the Boh I went with my friend R. And it was good eh. I enjoyed it. And then there was this song that says,
But no one is ever gonna love you more Than I doAnd I thought of you. No one will love you like I love you. And at the instant that you thought I clearly perceived that dozens of people were listening to the concert, they too felt the same thing for someone. Perhaps for their partners. Or maybe for a person who has entered their lives but there was meant to stop. Like you did with me.
No one's gonna love you more Than I do
will presumption. But I am sure to have you really loved more than anyone else. I will not put all my savings into a house. I am not to be transferred. But I would. I would have done because if I tell you I love you and you answer me "me too" if you chant "we do not want you to be my best thing ever happened" and you crying I say "I love you so much," if you say kissing is the best thing I think this is true of the poor is stronger than the practical obstacles can be overcome. Words are important.
I'll be idealistic. But I believe what he tells me the person I love. I guess it means to trust to love (and the fact that you do not fidassi me but maybe he wanted to say something). Maybe I'm naive because as you said these things, and dedicated to my thoughts and free time, real life a dedication to another. But I believed in the words, the looks, the sighs. I believed that I did not think a body was lying. I believed you, that all life on love You're right, you'd understand how I felt, you would have trusted me, you would have ceased to be afraid. But after nine months and told me "when I say I love you even say that I love you 5% in reality."
You Ran. Again. Always. I sincerely believe. I justified. And I am convinced that I loved you like no one ever will because I gave everything I had and also what I did not know you had. And I did not get anything in return. I have nothing for you now. Only a handful of memories, a handful of looks. Feelings. The ghost of your smell, your kisses violent of your nervous hands.
The silk of your hair electric. Your skin. That reddens. Your teeth disintegrate very hard that my left incisor in a kiss that seemed to want to join force. The Your tears made of guilt, fear and pleasure as I licked you. Your shivers of happiness after being hugged and just kept you in the ovaries and sore.
But I've also given pain, humiliation and waste. And my love has survived everything. Always. Perhaps foolishly. I do not think anybody ever loved you so, and never will. Probably not even what you want. No, I know. I do not understand. I can not understand all the contradictions in his gestures, words. It kills me not to understand.
And in the end, exhausted from your contradictions, and by your continued attracted me away in every imaginable way, from your declarations of love on and off, I did once again what I have asked. I have always obeyed. I have always respected your space, your choices, your priorities. Maybe too much. And this time I obeyed. I took out his balls (your exact words) and I never treat you like a person like any other, even worse (your exact words).
I had to find the strength from anger that made me your excuses, your lack of respect for my feelings. Your lies. Your love is impossible but you can not have. Your excuse I love you but I did not want. I had to find strength in what little dignity I may have left. Now you probably hate me. Now are you sure I'm not worth anything and you've got absolutely right to keep me away after I've fell in love with you. Now you'll be trying to save both ways, justified, or perhaps you wallow in self-despising itself for having done something so foolish as to fall in love. As for me, the madness has been live only a few bites of a huge happiness that we could have. I do not know.
The only thing I know is that yesterday you were not there. So maybe even if you have permeated every second, every thought, my every breath since 21 April, even if you were in my heart since we talked the first time in 2003, perhaps you've never been.
But no one is ever gonna love you more Than I do know this.
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