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Betrayal: The End of the couple? Loyalty & Betrayal

Betrayal: end or new beginning?

Very often leads to break the betrayal of the couple, but sometimes it is, paradoxically, is the place to start to rebuild a bond.

then it is interpreted as a " divergence to convergence," or an opportunity to recover an interrupted dialogue and find their ability to relate and to love. In this case hinges on not only through the acceptance phase but also through that of forgiveness.

Choosing acceptance not excuse the person who made a mistake, especially when it seems to show no intention of reparation: rather we seek to better understand the circumstances involved. With this understanding, and without denying the pain, we can reestablish our freedom and inner peace, feelings that come from having been able to react with an open heart at a loss. This increases our security and sense of personal power in a world full of risks. It 'clear that by accepting, and forgiving, the nature of the relationship may change forever. Certainly it is easier to accept that you have been wronged by someone who do not attend every day, as a friend or family member who has behaved badly.

The forgiveness, however, is much more complex interpersonal process that requires a great effort by those who have betrayed him. And it is the best way for all couples who, torn by the discovery of an affair, they want to recover their relationship. The unfaithful partner must, however, take responsibility for its conduct, must be able to understand the deep pain of others and through their actions show they wanted to repair trustworthy. This can take time and effort. For many people forgive or be forgiven is really too tiring. Some couples however, have overcome their problems and are back together well, with fullness and satisfaction. It takes courage, patience, perseverance and, often, even the help of a therapist who helps facilitate the entire process.

Dr. Claudia Distefano

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Fidelity and betrayal are two sides of same coin we call as a "covenant of love." The fidelity

is the cardinal point of this pact. It can be seen as passive loyalty, or a moral rigidity, allegiance to the other body, and an active loyalty, fidelity corresponding to the person, or with the decision to betray the other for a choice of value and not for "fear of a hypothetical punishment." The betrayal

instead represents the breaking of the covenant of love. It 'an action that necessarily changes the status and relations previously existing between people, disappoint the trust and expectations and then breaking the tie.

We could say that the betrayal breaks everyday because then leads the couple to separate what happened before and what happened after that event.

Psychologically we are facing in the betrayal of trust all'infrangersi primary, leading to clearly distinguish themselves from the Other.

Specifically, there are three stages in betrayal :

- one where you fantasized

- one where you acted

- that in which it is discovered .

Following its discovery, in general, feelings are presented in the following order:

- the anger that can sometimes result in failure of the final report;

- the desire for revenge , which, however, allows you to process what happened;

- the loss of self accompanied to feel devalued, diminished, the sense of loss of confidence on the other and that part of themselves that had been entrusted.

against treachery betrayed usually put in place defenses . These include: the denial, the betrayed partner defines the faithless as a negative person, poor and unreliable erasing any possible positive view of him, and cynicism or distrust, and show the betrayed contempt for everyone and everything so abolishing 'all feeling positive power paranoid, or betrayed trying to protect themselves from future dangers by checking the traitor with distrust and blackmail, ask for proof of devotion and loyalty, to reach out to a destruction of the love relationship that will instead only and exclusively a power relationship where people who have been betrayed and will not stop attacking those who have betrayed not stop reassuring.

This characterizes the experience of betrayal with destabilizing aspects of vulnerability, dependence and self-devaluation for those subjected to it. Dr.

Claudia Distefano

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's Self-Esteem

The mental, emotional and physical is closely related to our self-esteem!

But what is self-esteem?

And how can we do to "feel good about ourselves?"

To answer the first question "What is self-esteem is necessary to make a small step back and understand that scenario it is located. This scenario is the "self concept", which in simple terms the "world" or the image inside "that each has of himself. That image is developed since from early childhood in relation to how others relate to us in a more specific in relation to other people's reactions to our behavior.

Self-esteem is to be determined by various objective and subjective information ricondubili three types of self: The

1. real self, which is the objective assessment of our abilities, skills and characteristics . The perceived self
2. , consisting precisely the image that we have in our real self, ourselves, or in a subjective view of those abilities, characteristics and quality that we are present and absent. The
3. ideal self, however, is described as what we would like or think we ought to be. It is influenced by culture and society.

Self-esteem is then evaluated, a "self-esteem," about the information contained in the concept of self . It is the emotional reaction we experience when we observe and evaluate aspects of ourselves, connected to our personal beliefs regarding the abilities and skills, our social relationships, ...

This view we have of ourselves, we develop from childhood, however, can not be described in a one-dimensional. Self-esteem, in contrast, is a multidimensional concept and non-unitary. It encompasses a variety of ways, for example

Ø the social inherent in the way I feel when I'm with the others, I feel appreciated or not?

Ø What school - working on to what I feel competent and adequate in accomplishing tasks

Ø What family inherent The way I see it, my family lived in the ccontesto.

Ø What body, or the court about how I feel physically

It should be stressed that the level of self-worth, whether positive or negative, affects our self-efficacy, or the "belief in their ability to organize and implement the course of action necessary to properly manage the situations we meet in order to achieve the desired results "(Bandura, 1986), and then trust that a person puts in their ability to tackle a specific task.

A good and healthy self-esteem is a useful factor for socio-emotional adjustment, it is the basis of a "mental functioning" and thus a success in the life of the subject.

often run into problems with self-esteem due to a discrepancy between self, a difference between the perceived self and ideal self, when in fact the gap is very high, you are faced with a very low self-esteem. However, very often incurs a decline in their self-esteem because of emotional disturbances related to anxiety, anger, guilt, suffering and loneliness.

Altrettando often drop in our self-esteem is due to having experienced failures in the field social, occupational and / or school, family, ...

In the aforementioned examples may be used to some strategies to improve and protect their self-esteem:

1. selectively assign importance to those goals that we can potentially achieve.
2. Resize the importance of failures
3. not be too strict with themselves in terms of self-evaluation.

Dr. Claudia Distefano

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Love is ... Psyche & Soma

What is love?

When you're in love how it feels and what you think?

writers, philosophers, thinkers, artists, painters, sculptors have always been interested in trying to describe love.

Each in its own way, moving from the demonization of this feeling that is "reason to lose" all the way to its sublimation instead as "essence of life."

define Surely Love is not an easy task.

When we speak of love, from a psychological point of view, we can understand like " An integrated biopsychosocial or process, that is a dynamic entity, evolving and moving, which involves man in whole biological, psychological and social and serves to promote closeness between two individuals in order to facilitate the reproduction of the species, but also a sense of security, joy and well-being, through the attenuation of the unpleasant feelings caused by anxiety and stress .

Far from being exhaustive and the wish to label an emotion characterized by the complexity but also the subjectivity of people who live on the definition given allows us to reflect on some issues.

First love is identifiable Like a biopsychosocial process, so that they can find a triple level: biological, psychological and social.

Secondly, the purpose back to the previous definition, shows that it is closely related to feelings of security, joy and prosperity.

Dopottutto among the possible motives that drive us to find a partner stable, our love object, surely the most important one, due to Love, is found to atavism need for security that accompanies the human being to death, which has its roots in fetal life and early years of his life in his relationship with his mother and significant figures of childhood. Pertantanto to him / her that we choose as our object of love "entrust" the task of reproducing the initial conditions being experienced with the significant figures of childhood.

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You can really think of body and mind as separate entities?

To answer this question we must start from a basic assumption: there is approachable human being exclusively taking into account an optical biopsychic.

In order to better understand this statement would be useful to quote a phrase contained in the most recent editions of the DSM, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders used internationally, " There is a lot of mental and physical disorders much physical mental disorders. " There is therefore a strong link between psychological factors and biological factors.

We think maybe because numerous occasions, and even physical illnesses have an impact on the psychological level in everyday life. Conversely, scientific research has attempted to show how they also found correlations between psychological and somatic illnesses. Often, stress, anxiety and depression can lead to diseases of interest purely medical disorders such as gastrointestinal or cardiovascular function.

Although psychosomatic born more than two centuries ago, perhaps only now is having a "major success".

central node of that discipline is stressed that the ills of psychic can then emerge through the discomfort of a physical nature.

clear duty to look at the "psychosomatic" from a dual perspective. First, by observing his object of study. It is manifold. Includes within it not only the so-called "psychosomatic" all those diseases of medical interest for which the psychological factor becomes an important cause, but also the so-called "somatoform disorders", where the conflict is moved and acted on psychic body, precisely the burden, taking various forms, such as somatization disorder.

Subjects suffering from the aforementioned disorder have a history of multiple physical problems started before age 30 and lasting at least two years during which they undergo extensive medical tests that have created a clinically significant distress and impairment in social and occupational functioning. The painful symptoms may be related to different areas of the body, from gastrointestinal to sexual than neurological. However, the aforementioned symptoms, after thorough medical examinations, are not explained by any medical condition while not intentionally produced or simulated by the patients themselves.

A second point of view as an approach to psychosomatic conil is represented by the particular sensitivity of the discipline against the relational dyad in patient - doctor. Hence descend to the particular attention paid to the sick person, not just as a patient but also as a person, the psychological characteristics of building relationships in the intervention and treatment; the expectations and the whole "moral" of the doctor-related.

in conclusion we can say that the psychosomatic currently has found greater success in the scientific landscape precisely because of his vision of the human being as a biopsychosocial entity and the importance attributed to the multifactorial genesis of a pathological phenomenon .

The human being is, therefore, contained within a biological context, psychological and social in which each disease is caused by a complexity of factors.

In this landscape is easy to understand how mind and body are not separate entities, in contrast between them is still possible to find a mutual relationship.

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