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Betrayal: The End of the couple? Loyalty & Betrayal

Betrayal: end or new beginning?

Very often leads to break the betrayal of the couple, but sometimes it is, paradoxically, is the place to start to rebuild a bond.

then it is interpreted as a " divergence to convergence," or an opportunity to recover an interrupted dialogue and find their ability to relate and to love. In this case hinges on not only through the acceptance phase but also through that of forgiveness.

Choosing acceptance not excuse the person who made a mistake, especially when it seems to show no intention of reparation: rather we seek to better understand the circumstances involved. With this understanding, and without denying the pain, we can reestablish our freedom and inner peace, feelings that come from having been able to react with an open heart at a loss. This increases our security and sense of personal power in a world full of risks. It 'clear that by accepting, and forgiving, the nature of the relationship may change forever. Certainly it is easier to accept that you have been wronged by someone who do not attend every day, as a friend or family member who has behaved badly.

The forgiveness, however, is much more complex interpersonal process that requires a great effort by those who have betrayed him. And it is the best way for all couples who, torn by the discovery of an affair, they want to recover their relationship. The unfaithful partner must, however, take responsibility for its conduct, must be able to understand the deep pain of others and through their actions show they wanted to repair trustworthy. This can take time and effort. For many people forgive or be forgiven is really too tiring. Some couples however, have overcome their problems and are back together well, with fullness and satisfaction. It takes courage, patience, perseverance and, often, even the help of a therapist who helps facilitate the entire process.

Dr. Claudia Distefano

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Fidelity and betrayal are two sides of same coin we call as a "covenant of love." The fidelity

is the cardinal point of this pact. It can be seen as passive loyalty, or a moral rigidity, allegiance to the other body, and an active loyalty, fidelity corresponding to the person, or with the decision to betray the other for a choice of value and not for "fear of a hypothetical punishment." The betrayal

instead represents the breaking of the covenant of love. It 'an action that necessarily changes the status and relations previously existing between people, disappoint the trust and expectations and then breaking the tie.

We could say that the betrayal breaks everyday because then leads the couple to separate what happened before and what happened after that event.

Psychologically we are facing in the betrayal of trust all'infrangersi primary, leading to clearly distinguish themselves from the Other.

Specifically, there are three stages in betrayal :

- one where you fantasized

- one where you acted

- that in which it is discovered .

Following its discovery, in general, feelings are presented in the following order:

- the anger that can sometimes result in failure of the final report;

- the desire for revenge , which, however, allows you to process what happened;

- the loss of self accompanied to feel devalued, diminished, the sense of loss of confidence on the other and that part of themselves that had been entrusted.

against treachery betrayed usually put in place defenses . These include: the denial, the betrayed partner defines the faithless as a negative person, poor and unreliable erasing any possible positive view of him, and cynicism or distrust, and show the betrayed contempt for everyone and everything so abolishing 'all feeling positive power paranoid, or betrayed trying to protect themselves from future dangers by checking the traitor with distrust and blackmail, ask for proof of devotion and loyalty, to reach out to a destruction of the love relationship that will instead only and exclusively a power relationship where people who have been betrayed and will not stop attacking those who have betrayed not stop reassuring.

This characterizes the experience of betrayal with destabilizing aspects of vulnerability, dependence and self-devaluation for those subjected to it. Dr.

Claudia Distefano